we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
