What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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