jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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