The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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