threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pants are for mortals
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
