i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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