i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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