i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
