my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
