I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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