How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
