Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
