ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
