I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
