my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
