Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
