I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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