4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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