Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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