Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
