Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
