First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
