very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
