smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
