What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bring me that man meat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
