I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
