My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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