i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
