he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
