My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize