you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
