Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
