Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
