when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
