I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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