i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
