This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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