Umm I'm too high to move.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
