Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
