I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
