I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
