You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
