she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
