please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
