I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
