you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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