It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A bitchslap is in order.
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