Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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