Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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