You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
