i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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