I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
