my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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