If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
