I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
