dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
