Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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