why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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