i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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