it was like eating out sand paper
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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