Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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