I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
