Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
