Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
