I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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