Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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