drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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