happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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