sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
