The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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