also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
