worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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